I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
