Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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