i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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