D3 body, D1 cock
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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