I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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