Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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