Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
