Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i want to swaddle you in tequila
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
