Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
