careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
this beer tastes like vomit already
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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