yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
