If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
