Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My bed smells like the plague
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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