I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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