I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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