Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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