I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
