today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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