I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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