o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
They have beer where we have blood.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
