Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
