Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize