he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize