margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
