3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
