After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
