I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
