I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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