I think I am morally bankrupt
accomplished twins. life is a go
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
