i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
