good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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