there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize