i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Congratulations! We have a period
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