I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
