tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
