see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
