I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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