This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
