Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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