Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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