this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
