Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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