1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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