I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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