Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You need a sexual gate keeper
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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