I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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