My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
