Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
