Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
