Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
