My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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