Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize