I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
