when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
