You can't motorboat a personality
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
