Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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