id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
