He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
