he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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