he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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