you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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