clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
pray to the hookup gods
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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