how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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