Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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