Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
