Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
