I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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