dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
