i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
