I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
